Values, Needs and Relationships


Last night I attended a meeting to plan a community-wide appeal - petitioning neighbors to support a new zoning overlay. At stake: a positive, arts-based initiative that most people will support at face value. The goal is significant - two-thirds must support the initiative - yet very achievable.

During the meeting, one well-intentioned and passionate volunteer consistently used militaristic terminology to outline his desired approach to the task. He used terms like "lemmings", "sheep" and "obstacles" to describe his neighbors and "target", "slaughter" and "attack" to frame the actions required. He's a decent person and I'm not certain he was aware of the impression he created.

Sometimes sales people (or those tasked with a specific objective) forget the real opportunity: to develop and nurture relationships, using actions and words that stimulate positive, productive interactions well into the future.

Consider this approach: Use language and actions that are common to your audience's  values. Map the benefits of any initiative to the needs of the community and make it the #1 goal to develop stronger relationships through a shared sense of purpose.

Perhaps the group could utilize terms like "porches", "local economy", "creative", "party", "friends", "exciting", "opportunity", and "shared values" to re-frame the discussion.  Words and actions like these are more likely to win converts and result in both short-term and long-term gains.

As most of us already know, there is greater opportunity to convince someone to accept a new idea or try a new product when they do not feel they have a target painted on their back. (One person down. On to the next...)

Check out this concept further in my book... Selling The Moment: Values, Needs, and Relationships: Turning Ordinary Sales into a Lifetime of Success 

This Thanksgiving: thankful to be learning.

Last month, I decided to enroll in a creative writing class at the professor’s invitation. My instructor, Anda Peterson, is also a member of my writing group. Our small team, affectionately known as the Prose Posse, consisted of accomplished academics and journalists. I was the only technical writer in the bunch–the odd man out.

Writing mostly for corporations, I have learned tasks I will never perform directly. Technical writers will tell you that some subjects stay in their heads long after the project ends. Like a YouTube kitten or snippet of music that loops mercilessly, pulling the memory through one ear with a wire hanger eventually seems like a good plan. I wish I could forget how to perform Upper Extremity Sonography so I could make room for the name of the craft beer I sampled yesterday and quickly forgot. It’s most likely hanging out with my lost wallet and my third grade teacher, whose name I cannot recall.


Technical writing and instructional design is also a highly structured and deliberate process. My inner editor is a style guide that screams line-by-line revisions and keeps me on a strict budget. Deliver key objectives in line one. Select images that reinforce performance. Use quizzes to verify comprehension.

In truth, that box we love to hate and long to think outside actually gives us something to work with - a canvas on which to express ourselves. As a friend once told me, "creativity is our ultimate expression within defined parameters." I love trying to be as creative as possible, even when working with corporate or regulated material. However, open-sky, unlimited vistas are another matter. That blank sheet of paper can be a daunting partner.

So, I was immediately humbled by the burgeoning talent in Anda's classroom. Students in pencil thin jeans cranked out prize-worthy prose mere hours before class. A volunteer would recite lyrical lines, revealing yet another captivating story. Earnest and callow hearts searching the evening stars for answers or diving into the abyss for dinner. I panicked. My first submission was due in two weeks. My creative vocabulary felt limited by comparison, reduced to words like “happy," and “really." Pulling dead weasels through a rusty pipe would have been easier and more entertaining.

Despite my trepidation, the class seemed to respect every submission. I discovered creative writing courses are possibly the most life affirming event beyond kindergarten. Everyone brought something to share and then applauded. I don’t remember ever clapping in accounting or project management classes. Charitably, my classmates withheld the withering criticism my work fully deserves, an act of kindness typically reserved for the disabled or elderly. Based on the stories they submitted, I wondered if one or two of them were receiving community service hours for listening to mine.

Last night, I shared my experiences with a neighbor and how I hoped to live long enough to read something published by my fellow students. In return, I owe them the favor of purchasing their first published work, as payment in kind for helping me learn.

Thanks Anda. And to my classmates - a very special thank you!

BE "PASSIONATELY PRESENT"
by Kristine Forster


Is it just me, or do you have days when when the thought of  tackling all those emails and RSS feeds seems like an overwhelmingly daunting task?

Over my cup of coffee and slightly burnt cinnamon and brown sugar pop tart this morning (mmm - breakfast of champions), I energetically attacked said mountain of rss feeds that, I am remiss to say, I have allowed to start piling up – again.

I'm so glad I dug in to that pile this morning though because here's what I read from Brendan Burchard's, "Life's Golden Ticket eNewsletter":

"Are you showing up as "passionately present" as you can each day, and are you lighting up your co-workers with energy and passion and excitement for what you are doing together?"

Along with my pop tart, I savored the taste of that question; and as the coffee does to my energy level, I'm allowing that fine thought to bolster my thoughts and attitude today.

As leaders of your organization or team (or family at home) – there's no greater skill for a leader to possess than the ability to inspire others. Give yourself permission to wade through the sea of demands and expectations and responsibilities that surely await you and settle for a moment on the question above.

I know when I did this morning it made the sun shine a little brighter, my coffee a little heartier, my resolve a little stronger and my pop tart all the sweeter.

Dan Pink, on learning and motivation from his book, Drive:

"Human beings have an innate drive to be autonomous, self-determined and connected to one another. And when that drive is liberated, people achieve more and live richer lives."

"The opposite of autonomy is control. And since they sit at different poles of the behavioral compass, they point us to different destinations. Control leads to compliance; autonomy leads to engagement."

"It means resisting the attempt to control people - and instead doing everything we can to reawaken their deep sense of autonomy. A sense of autonomy has a powerful effect on individual performance and attitude. According to a cluster of recent behavioural studies, autonomous motivation promotes greater conceptual understand, better grades, enhanced persistence at school and in sporting activities, higher productivity, less burnout and greater levels of psychological well-being."

[Jane Hart] Organizations - and L&D departments in particular - need to relinquish control and support learner/employee autonomy. Social Learning requires a culture of trust in employees that differs from the "teacher/student" model of planning and controlling their every move.

Mark Oehlert, from the Defense Acquisition University makes the point:

“The US Airforce will give a pilot a $30m aircraft full of deadly tools – so why not trust them with Facebook at work?”

The fish rots from the head down.

My grandfather died when I was very young, yet I remember a handful of comments he made to me. I remember one in particular, as we left a store where a manager had been rude to us.

I must have said something about it because my grandfather's plain spoken response was: Son, the fish rots from the head down.

It sounded funny to me, so I remembered it. But now I understand what he meant: the quality of an organization's leadership is reflected in the actions and attitudes of its individual employees.

Ever walk into a store or office and immediate get a bad feeling, a bad vibe or whiff that something or several things just don't seem right? It could be a general sense of unease, an inability for employees to act with confidence, bad attitudes or a lack of attention to detail.

Whatever the symptom, that stinky smell means something is dead or dying at the top. No real passion for the business. No real commitment to employees. No respect for customers, beyond their ability to make leaders richer. Regardless, don't take it out on the employees, start by evaluating opportunities to re-engage, re-ignite and re-focus leadership.

Who is my city?
(with a nod to Richard Florida)

I have been working with leaders from my city, posing the same question during my conversations: how do we define this city? Personally, I'd like to think I live in the Creative Capital of Florida–a city characterized by working artists and creative industries–but that has yet to be determined.

On a recent trip to Scotland, my partner and I enjoyed a couple weeks in Edinburgh. A historic and ancient city, it also happens to be the capital of Scotland. The new parliament building sits at the foot of the Royal Mile, just steps from Holyrood Palace. So, one naturally concludes, this city is defined by it's role as capital of Scotland. Wrong.

Upon entering the city, you are greeted by official signs proclaiming "Edinburgh: The City of Festivals". Interesting, intriguing, compelling, right?

This city defines itself through its culture offerings to the world; it's a place where millions travel every year to enjoy festivals that celebrate reading, theatre, opera, music, comedy... I think by defining their city as such, Edinburgh plants a flag that continuously challenges residents and leaders to take actions that sustain, nurture and develop those festivals. Otherwise, it's just another old city with a collection of old buildings. But the people are what make it special, and those people throw one hell of a party (several, actually).

So, who are you, St. Petersburg?

Passionate learners, better performers.

Think about someone learning more about their hobby, like gardening, cooking or bicycle repair.

That person is not simply flipping through a manual. They are sponging up the knowledge they need, applying it immediately, and retaining it for life. They become more passionate about the topic as their comprehension grows. Over time, they discover new ways apply the learning, and their performance improves.

We want students to become better, faster. Short-term results (success or failure) lead to increased satisfaction, and higher satisfaction leads to a demand, or a pull, for additional learning. Our objective is not to push more content at them (check-in-a-box-training), but to help them achieve results quickly.

Find someone who is passionate about a topic or task and you will find a person who is or will soon become, successful at performing it.

"A calling may be postponed, avoided, intermittently missed.

It may also possess you completely.

Whatever; eventually it will call you out. It makes its claim."

James Hillman

The Soul's Code

Many years ago, I moved to Tallahassee, Florida with every intention of becoming a lawyer. After two years working for a law firm and passing the LSAT, I had every desire not to be a lawyer. I went to school anyway and pursued an advanced degree in business, not quite certain how I would apply it.

Thankfully, my personal life was rocking with creativity during those five years.

I met incredibly talented people with vastly diverse backgrounds. I sucked down fresh bay oysters with politicians, movie stars and assorted locals. We dove into inky green-blue sink holes the size of a city block – and infinitely deeper. Friends and I bought a camper van and traveled the Rockies (surviving an up close inspection by an odiferous grizzly), we traveled across the globe to work and study, we held hands with dying friends, sang ballads loudly and poorly around campfires on St. George Island, learned public speaking tips from one of the best professional speakers in America, observed the culinary skills of a world-famous television chef, took walks with one of our nation’s leading thinkers and painters, and…so much more.

I experienced a veritable odyssey of wonderful, meaningful and soul-changing experiences that continue to reverberate inside me. They made me the person I am today. The Universe slapped a giant “YES!” on my forehead, in the form of people who cared enough to put up with me, long enough to deliver their message.

Then, I entered corporate America. I dutifully shoved all those great learning moments into a memory box so secure it would make Steelcase proud.

In 1998, a client asked me to create a series of educational programs to be delivered in twelve modules over a period of two years. That’s a long time to spend with a few hundred people – it was more than a gig, it was a relationship!

Miraculously, we (they and I) pulled it off. Nobody died. We struggled through the basics: we explored core skills and generally discussed how to be good worker bees. Then, I wrote one course specifically for them. I called it: Make the Moment.

The module I wrote was not directly related to any core job skills or traditional topics like communication, teamwork, or time management. MTM was a course that explored life as a series of moments – the way seemingly insignificant events have the power to change our lives forever, and how we have the opportunity to create and/or participate in these moments on a daily basis. That class became a touchstone for the group. It’s power and honestly surprised me as much as it surely surprised them.

At the end of our time together, we celebrated with an emotion-filled dinner, where many of my new friends shared (unrehearsed) their stories of change and personal growth with peers, administrators and elected officials.

It was a humbling experience. What had started out as a routine transaction (deliver core skills training to a group) had turned into a life-altering event for many of us. It was also my first step toward a more meaningful life.

A year later, a pair of researchers, Joe Pine and Jim Gilmore published their first book, The Experience Economy. It quantified and validated everything I had been teaching. Life is more than a series of impersonal transactions, and the organizations that stage their services through mass customization are creating experiences. These experiences are what drive us to repeat purchases, tell others and generally fell more fulfilled about our lives.

Up to that point I had safely disconnected my professional career from all those wonderful personal experiences. I firmly held tight to the belief that business people should keep those two aspects of their lives very separate.

Since then, I have enjoyed several side-trips, dead-ends, fast-forward breakneck developments, self-inflicted wounds, healing conversations, organizations that did not leverage my talent (and where I did not deliver my best possible work) and work that felt like second nature, as if I was born for that particular challenge or project.

Finally–slowly–I realized that every single one of my experiences – whether personal or professional, good, bad, boring, awesome or something in between – are the kind of events that make all of us uniquely qualified for life on this planet. It is the sum of my existence that makes me better.

Fast-forward about ten years. We–myself included–seem to be obsessed by the tools and applications that supplement our lives. As Marshall Mcluhan once stated:

We become what we behold. We shape our tools and then our tools shape us.

The Internet is only a tool, yet one that is shaping us. Still what does this all mean for our flesh and blood existence?

At our core, we are all hard-wired for a fully engaged life with five amazing senses that allow us to learn through experience and reflection. I find the most engaging moments are created by interesting people, not their tools alone. The organizations with the most creative people are where I want to spend my spare time and dollars.

I sense a quiet evolution underway, led by a generation raised within this experience economy. They want a return to authenticity, free from manipulation and stagecraft. Those experiences have a profound impact on our work, business, and lives, whether online or face-to-face. Let's see what happens.

This is a loud cheer for anyone whose calling in life exceeds the technology and tools, those people who turn merely forgettable transactions into nearly magical moments simply by expressing their talent, purpose and ability. Thank you for showing the rest of us how to live more fully.

This is also an invitation of sorts, a time to say “yes” to our inner potential, to shut off the tools now and then (even if we use them well), and create great moments for our families, our co-workers, our clients, members, or customers…and of course, ourselves.